Wake up in foul mood. Seems that monotony of the research station is starting to wear me down. Same people, same conversations, same buildings, same food. While I certainly am enjoying the benefits of isolation – natural beauty, wildlife, escapism – the downfalls – disconnection of family, friends, world in general – have seeped into my overall demeanor. And I think what’s blown it up today is that I’ve become aware of a visiting researcher’s controlling personality. I generally sit back, stay open, and observe folks for awhile before coming to any conclusions on their character. But once I catch a pattern, once I get a read (good or bad) I generally embrace it. So once I register this controlling behavior, bordering on what I consider disrespectful (not to me specifically, but in general), and I find myself really affected. And the isolation is compounding the problem: not only is it hard to get away from this personality, but I also don’t have the friends, family here (or on the phone) to bitch about it.

So head to river with folks to help celebrate a birthday, and I find it both relaxing (ah, the sound of running water) and annoying (er!, controlling behavior). Manage to wander a bit upstream to take a few pictures.

Unfortunately the negative headspace has me in a tailspin – questioning research, career, future, etc. Need a talk with a good friend, but bury myself in a book as the best available substitute.